Struggling to control your anger

Anger is not the problem. It is what is underneath it. Many men feel like they are constantly on edge. Small things set them off. They snap at people they care about, regret it later, and then it happens again. It can feel like a cycle you cannot break.

Most people like the idea of growth, but very few people enjoy the feeling that comes with it. Growth often feels uncomfortable.
Your comfort zone is the space where life feels predictable, familiar, and safe. There is nothing wrong with that. We all need stability in our lives.

Loneliness is something I see a lot in the men I work with, both in group settings and in one-to-one counselling.

It is rarely the reason men say they are seeking help. They might come in talking about stress, anger, relationship problems, or feeling stuck in life. But as the conversation develops, a common theme often begins to appear underneath it all. Many of these men are experiencing a deep sense of loneliness.

I hear this from teenage boys all the time. And it makes sense. They’ve seen what happens when a boy opens up and it gets turned into a joke, a label, or gossip. So they learn quickly: keep it in. Don’t give anyone ammo. That isn’t weakness — it’s self-protection.

If you train regularly, you’ve probably felt it.

You finish a hard session — weights, cycling, circuits — and for a while, things feel lighter. Your head’s clearer. Your mood’s up. Problems seem quieter.

And then… a few hours later, sometimes the next day, you’re right back where you started.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re worried about your son. Maybe he’s withdrawn. Perhaps he’s irritable, on edge, struggling to sleep, or constantly asking “what if?” questions. Perhaps you can feel his anxiety, even if he can’t put it into words. And maybe the hardest part is this: You want to help, but you don’t know how.

Comfort sounds like a good thing. After a long day, most men just want to switch off — sit down, scroll, game, drink, or disappear into something that doesn’t ask much of them. The problem isn’t comfort itself. The problem is living there.

When we think about improving our mental health, many people imagine big lifestyle changes, complicated routines, or expensive solutions. But one of the most powerful tools you have is already within your reach — walking.

Feeling anxious can be incredibly frustrating — especially for men. Many of us are taught to “get on with it,” stay busy, or just toughen up. But when anxiety hits, it doesn’t care how strong you are, how much you’ve achieved, or how hard you work. It shows up in your chest, your breathing, your thoughts, and your sleep.

I often hear from men who sign up for a men’s group, feel a pull to join, and then… never turn up. It’s not laziness — it’s fear. Fear of the unknown, of being judged, of sitting in a circle with strangers and not knowing what’s expected. I get it.

Anxiety can feel like a warning siren that never switches off — the racing heart, restless mind, the sense that something’s wrong even when you can’t say what. Many men try to fight it, bury it, or distract themselves from it. But often, the way through anxiety starts with leaning into it — getting curious rather than combative.

It can be one of the hardest things for a parent to experience — watching your son retreat into silence. The lively, talkative boy you once knew now spends most of his time behind a closed door, glued to a screen, answering your questions with “I’m fine” or “leave me alone.” You sense something isn’t right, but every attempt to reach out seems to push him further away.

Many men come to counselling because they feel angry all the time — snapping at people, losing patience, or bottling things up until they explode. Anger feels powerful and familiar. But often, what’s really going on underneath isn’t anger at all.

In counselling sessions with men, one theme I see again and again is the struggle to set boundaries. Many men find it difficult to say “no,” to protect their own time, or to ask for what they need. Instead, they keep saying “yes,” taking on more and more until they’re running on empty.

At Strong Minds Counselling, one theme comes up again and again in my work with men: the search for purpose. Many believe purpose has to come from big achievements — career success, financial security, or personal milestones. But real purpose often grows from something simpler, and more powerful: connection.

When we think about teenage years, we often picture exams, football matches, friendship groups, and the ups and downs of growing up. But for many teenage boys, there’s a hidden side to this stage of life: struggles with mental health that don’t always get spoken about.

Anger is the emotion that gets judged more than any other. When people think of anger, they picture aggression, shouting, or losing control. It’s seen as something destructive, something to be ashamed of. But here’s the truth—anger itself is not bad.

When I first started working as a personal trainer, I thought exercise was primarily about strength and fitness. However, over time, I noticed something more profound: training changed people’s moods. Stress eased, energy lifted, and they walked out of the gym lighter than when they came in.

You’re showing up.
You’re working hard.
You’re hitting the gym, paying the bills, doing what needs to be done.

From the outside, it looks like you’ve got it together. But under the surface, something feels…off. You can’t quite put your finger on it. You're not falling apart, but you're not exactly thriving either.

In my previous blog, “Why is My Teenage Son Struggling?”, I explored some of the reasons teenage boys can find life overwhelming. This follow-up looks at the signs to watch for and the practical steps you can take as a parent when you notice something isn’t quite right.